My nephew came to us at three years of age. His birth mother was an addict, spending significant bits of time away while in prison or rehab. As a family, we knew there may be long-lasting effects from being neglected at birth. But with love, we faced those challenges and welcomed him into our family. Save for some behavior things, he was the perfect addition to our family. Not lacking for love and contact. 

When Ryan was thirteen, we had him come live with my son and me to work at my company for a summer. Up to that summer, we had a fantastic relationship with Ryan. And through that summer, we did amazing things together. We hiked and explored Washington state, and Ryan became interested in mountaineering. We did family things like movies, cooked together, and we talked a lot. 

The summer at my company was a perfect first job for my nephew. Sometimes he would work in manufacturing, but most of his time was spent helping us remove staples from paperwork as we moved to be a paperless company. He was always on time as we went to work together, he in his perfect polo shirt and khaki pants. He sat with a co-worker’s child for hours, removing staple after staple from years of archived paperwork. 

It was also that summer that our family discovered that Ryan suffered from Reactive Attachment Disorder, where a child cannot form a healthy, secure, and emotional bond with its caregiver, his addict mother in this case. It made sense; he struggled for years with anger and problems when getting too close to those who loved him. That was the summer, at thirteen, he started using drugs to hide from his own feelings. 

When the summer came to an end, and it was time to go back home, the whole company enjoyed his presence and was sad when it was over. One of his co-workers bought the two interns golden staplers to mark the mountainous amount of staples they had to remove for the project. On that last day, we all gathered in the front office to celebrate two young people’s successful summer of work. Ryan was sheepish and shy, but I could see the joy and relief on his face while showered in love. 

We packed up all these things at home, his new hobbies and stuff bought with hard-earned money. It was sad for my son and I; we could have let this summer continue forever. I hoped that this time with us would have helped him get out of his regular loving home routine to see that his dad’s loved him more than anything. 

Within a few months, Ryan was running away and acting out again. He wasn’t going to school, and he went from a slim daily runner with a handsome haircut to sloppy and physically changed. Ryan was struggling to connect with the love his fathers showed him. He fought with them, often becoming physical. He was losing connection and descending further into using all types of drugs. That was the year he started to use much harder things like meth and heroin. Age 14 was a rough year. 

Over the months, he followed drugs and easy money to Spokane, Washington. Theft and spending time in hard Juvenile Detention became his standard. After being released one afternoon, he and his street group decided to rob an Asian market. In the end, he threw homemade smoke bombs into the market. He was arrested again. By now, he had been on the streets for a long time. 

When we saw his booking paperwork, we could see what he had in his possession, all of it stolen save for one item. A golden stapler was between the iPod that wasn’t his and clothes cobbled from other children with his frame. 

This isn’t a story with a happy ending but a story to illustrate how much effect we have on people and how important mental health opportunity is for everyone. It’s a story of connection and love, and it’s part of the story of a young man who is still living on the streets and battling his demons. Millions of children and adults suffer from severe mental illness. As sad as I was reading that court document, my heart remains open for this beautiful young man, even if I have to be tough.